One more week until Christmas….Yipppeee!  I am a big kid when it comes to this time of year.  I love the lights, decorations and yes, the gifts!  My husband is an awesome Santa and I’m not just buttering him up.  (But in case that will work….have I ever mentioned that he is the most wonderful, handsome man in the world?)

So when I was driving the other day and heard the 12 days of Christmas, I instantly thought of him.   I started to ponder the meaning of the song and how I would react to the plethora of gifts required to fulfill that song.  (Yes, I know that technically the song has a religious basis but for the sake of this post we will concentrate on the purely materialistic meaning of that diddy.)

Let’s start…

Day 1:  Partridge in a Pear Tree

My Reaction:  A tree is nice if I were some granola eating tree hugger.  (Please no hate mail from the tree huggers.  I love trees; I just don’t want one for Christmas.)

Day 2:  Two Turtle Doves

My Reaction:  Doves are nice and very peaceful and I could make a profit renting them out at weddings

Day 3:  Three French Hens

My Reaction:  I love roasted chickens. 

Day 4:  Four Calling Birds

My Reaction:  Enough of the birds already.  Seriously, did the pet store have BOGO?

Day 5: Five Gold Rings

My Reaction:  SCORE!!!  (When I hear “score” in my head, it is like the announcer on the World Cup.)

Day 6:  Six Geese a Layin’

My Reaction:  Goose eggs…would they work in an omelet?

Day 7:  Seven Swans a Swimming

My Reaction:  I think PETA will come after me when I try to shove all of them in my birdbath.  Anyone have a pond I can borrow? 

Day 8:  Eight Maids a Milking

My Reaction:  How about eight maids a cleanin’?  I would love that as a gift!

Day 9:  Nine Ladies Dancing

My Reaction:  This was a gift to himself and REAL ladies wouldn’t be using a pole!

Day 10:  Ten Lords a Leapin’

My Reaction:  I’m a card carrying FOG (friend of gays) so I love the leaping lords!  (I am not outing the lords by any means, I just assumed they were gay.  Please correct me if I am wrong.)

Day 11: Eleven Pipers Piping

My Reaction:  This one confused me are piper’s musicians or guys who smoke?  If they are smokers, I don’t think I want eleven of them in my little living room.

Day 12:  Twelve Drummers Drumming

My reaction:  They’ve got a good beat and you can dance to them.

After my analysis of this song, I am suddenly happy that my husband hasn’t tried to give me this version of the twelve days of Christmas.   It may sound shallow and I know it is the thought that counts but what would I do with all these flippin’ birds, people and pears?  (I wouldn’t object to the bling on Day 5, I’m just saying.)

Where is she going with all this babble?  Just in case your spouse DOES give you a pear tree, here is one of my favorite recipes for poached pears.  I served these with some dried cranberries but would have preferred to serve them with pomegranate seeds.

Poached Pears


1 ½ cups sugar

4 cups water

2 cinnamon sticks

1 lemon, thinly sliced

1 tsp vanilla paste (or one whole vanilla bean pod scraped out)

6 pears, more firm than soft, wash well, they were just in a tree with a bird.

Partridge, optional


  1. In a large saucepan, combine sugar, cinnamon, water, vanilla and lemon.
  2. Heat until sugar is dissolved and continue on a light simmer.
  3.  Peel, core and cut pears and add to poaching liquid.
  4. Cook until the pears are tender.  (Poke them with a fork and it should piece easily.)
  5. Remove from heat and cool in liquid for an hour.
  6. Refrigerate for at least an hour before serving.
  7. Serve with a little bit of the liquid over each piece of pear.


I made this as a sweet treat on an appetizer buffet.  It was a refreshing bite that compliments pretty much anything you put on the table.   You can jazz it up with nuts, berries or some caramel!  Dirty all the dishes you want, you now have 8 maids to clean up your kitchen!  (Or at least that is how I would have written the song!)