Would you be shocked if I said I can be kind of jealous and mean at times? It is not a quality that I necessary like about myself. Sometimes I see things and my mind goes to a dark place and inevitably a snarky (yet hysterical) comment pops out.
I thought about this character flaw in myself after it came out at two separate events. The first was a rather large party we go to almost every year. There is one gal in particular that for some reason gets under my skin. We’ve never spoken or even shared a polite nod of acknowledgement but I have put in my head that she is certain person. …. A lady of the evening who likes to watch herself in a mirror while she is earning her cash.
It isn’t like I’ve SEEN her doing any of these things but by her dress and demeanor it is the only thing that makes sense to me. She is the kind of woman who commands attention by her actions and I can only assume she is trying to attract “Johns” to pay for all of her fake eyelashes. I realize that none of these thoughts are nice but they are what pop in my mind.
The other event was a simple walk on the beach. I kept seeing people in things that were barely covering their kibbles and bits. Some of them had breasts that were almost dragging in the sand and they had no problem flaunting them. (And those were just the MEN!)
As I was looking at the people, I had a moment where I thought, “What is wrong with them? Why do they think this is acceptable?” I then sat back and really grasped the fact that there is NOTHING wrong with them…it is me.
Why am I so insecure? Why is that I see the millimeter of back fat overlapping my jeans and they don’t see the spare tire flopping over their bathing suit bottoms? Why is it when I see a woman dancing provocatively I automatically brand her with a scarlet letter? Why can’t I just be happy with me and not be so judgmental?
I really don’t know but I do think I am going to try to slow down my thought process when I see someone not fitting my mold of what I think people should look or act like. I think it was Pollyanna who said, “If you look for the bad in people you will surely find it.” (I just googled the saying….there is a debate if it was Lincoln or Disney….I’m Team Disney!)
The last couple of days I started to think about the fact that we are always trying to better our outward looks instead of simply just being happy with our natural qualities. We don’t need the big updos and blown up boobs. There is no need to feel self conscious of lumps and bumps on our bellys. And if you want to dance like you are churning butter with your pelvis…go for it.
It isn’t wrong for these things to make you feel special, we all march to a different drummer and sometimes you need to just shine being who you want to be and not worry what others were thinking.
I guess this is where I think of myself like a tomato…..there are a lot of different shapes and sizes and lots of ways to make them stand out in a crowd. I feel good about my “tomatoes” and have to learn that I don’t need to smash others to make myself feel better.
I probably will never be the jazzed up tomato on the table on a fancy plate and garnished to perfection. I need to learn to be happy to be the genuine straight out of the garden tomato with a sprinkle of salt, a fresh slice of mozzarella, a dash of white balsamic vinegar and some ripped up basil. (And yes, that is all the recipe I am going to give this week!)