I Now Pronounce You…Confit

I’ve got a problem. I know there are some of you that just gasped and sat down. You grab a tissue and take a deep breath. You know that it must be big and you are just not sure you want to start you week by reading something that might not be cheery and wonderful.

But alas, it is only minor and for many of you who know me you probably already know what it is. No, I’m talking about the Monkey thing. (I don’t see that as a problem…it is normal for an adult woman to talk to stuffed monkeys.) Are you asking if it that thing I do when I constantly interrupt you when you are talking? (No….) How about the fact that when I eat out with friends, I drink out of their water glass when they excuse themselves to go to the washroom? (Wait, I don’t do that…or do I? Mu-wha-ha-ha. You’ll never know….wait….that is making me look like I have a problem.)

Nope….my big problem is that I pronounce things wrong. I know not that big of a deal especially since pretty much all of my communication with the outside world is typed out. (Except the monkeys….we use hand gestures.)  It isn’t anything new, I’ve always had trouble with pronunciation.

The problem is coming in to focus now because I have been thinking of doing a Podcast. Eeeek! A few of my followers have complained that they don’t have time to read my blog and would love if they could listen to it on a podcast when they are commuting to and from work.

In all honesty my first thought was “My blogs take less than 5 minutes to read. You must be a really slow reader or you are totally just blowing wind up my skirt.” My next thought is if “blowing wind up my skirt” is an actually saying but I digress.

The easy part of all this is finding the equipment needed to record my voice and make it sound all raspy and sexy. (Or maybe a podcast in helium would be just as entertaining.) I’ve ordered some stuff online (microphone, kazoo, xylophone…you know the necessities) and think this will actually be a fun project for me with the exception of one thing……

MY PRONUNCIATION OF THINGS!!!!!!!!!! I had typed an entirely different post for today and tried to read it out loud. I can’t form words correctly. I’m sure I am putting too much pressure on myself but I want to this to be perfect.

I want to be like Alex Trebek on Jeopardy and say thing with the proper stress on syllables, pitch patterns and ellipsis. I want to be able to add a little nasally accent when I’m pronouncing a French word or maybe have a little “R” rolling action when I am speaking Spanish.

But when I speak, I don’t sound like Mr. Trebek. I sound a little bit like I am slurring my words. (Maybe I speak like Alex after he has had a cocktail or two…nah…I bet he speaks perfectly even then!)

So I WAS going to try to podcast today’s post but then I looked at my recipe “garlic confit” and I realized that I was jumping the gun (or mic.) I had planned on writing this this intellectual piece on the word confit in cooking and what it means. It has two meanings from what I learned

  • Meat that has been cooked and preserved in its own fat
  • a garnish that is cooked until tender in a seasoned liquid

I kept trying to pronounce “confit” and I wasn’t sure if I was giving it a good enough Alex Trebek kind of vibe. I first said “Con-fee” but that didn’t sound right. I then I didn’t sound out the “n” and said “co-fee” and wasn’t sure about that. I looked online for one of those apps that will pronounce things for you and it said to pronounce it like two compound words…Con and then Fit….Con-Fit. I didn’t think that was right either.  I give up.

As you can tell by how fascinating this reads that it might have put my Podcast friends asleep behind the wheel as I sat and recorded myself trying to say the same word over and over.   I would feel kind of responsible if they would wreck their car because of sleep driving. (And I was curious if I would be considered an accomplice if they got in a car accident and really didn’t want any part of that?)

So no podcast yet but just you wait….when I do it…it will be mind-blowing….like this recipe for Garlic Confit that Bon Appetit posted last month. It is a great alternative to your “usual” garlic bread plus it is a conversation starter at the table when you discuss how to pronounce confit!

Categories: Bread

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