I really try to think that I keep up with current events, trends and pop culture. But in all honesty, I know I am always a little bit behind what people are talking about at the water cooler. (Or do people just catch up holding their Nalgene bottles?)
But there is one thing that I really felt the need to address because I just don’t get it. (Okay, there are a lot of things I don’t get but let’s stay focused here.) I am confused about “twerking.”
I am sure most of you are familiar with the term but I had no clue what it meant so I had to look it up. There were word definitions (dancing in a provocative manner making your buttocks wobble) and there were videos (my eyes still feel like I just watched soft porn.)
The more I read, the more I don’t get it. Why do women want to act like strippers? (No offense to all the strippers who follow my blog.) Actually, the strippers are smarter than the girls who are jiggling their bathing suit parts in the club because at least the strippers are getting paid to act like dogs who need to by spayed or neutered. (No offense to the dogs that need to be spayed or neutered.)
But I didn’t want to be judgmental and get on my soapbox about how women keep doing things that objectify themselves and that is why we will always be paid less than men and not taken seriously in this big world. (Okay, that was a small soapbox, like a hotel soapbox.)
So I thought maybe I should give it a try before I start bra burning. I looked up a “how to” video and got my iPod ready to give me a good beat. (There really isn’t anything on my iPod that is “twerkable” and I’m sure Elton John would blush if he saw what I was about to do to Crocodile Rock!)
I stood in front of my mirror and had on a hot pair of boy shorts. (They had Hello Kitty on them but that is all I have to work with.) I put my hands on my hips and got into a position that made me feel like I was going to churn butter with my “who-ha” and get a colonoscopy at the same time.
The music was going and I was popping it! Okay, maybe not popping but a very awkward thrust that made a popping noise in my left hip. And as for the booty jiggle, my little bottom sort of trembled like it was scared of what was happening. (I was a bit scared too!)
Now that it is said and done (and won’t ever happen again), I still don’t get why this term and dance is so popular. I would love if the world just comes up a term or dance that translated to “really talented woman who doesn’t need all the gimmicks to get her name in the news and who can be a role model for young girls everywhere.”
Jamaican Me Twerk Chicken
1 white onion, rough chop
2 habanero chiles, remove seeds (be careful these babies can be hot)
2 cloves of garlic
½ tsp each of the following cinnamon, cloves, ground ginger, black pepper
1 tsp each ground thyme and nutmeg
½ cup soy sauce
4 chicken breasts (boneless, skinless)
In a small food processor, add onion, garlic, chilies, and spices. Give them a good twirl until it is almost pasty.
Slowly stream in the soy sauce. (This is your marinade)
Place chicken in a container and pour the marinade over them.
Allow to sit for at least 4 hours or overnight.
Heat oven to 375 and bake for at least 35 minutes. I finished it under the broiler for 2 minutes to give it a little more color. Drizzle with a twirl of honey and serve. (This would have been also great on the grill but it was raining and I didn’t want to melt.)
The spice in this was a smidge hot so you can omit one of the habaneros or switch to a jalapeno to lighten it up. I served mine with sweet potatoes and “cool” slaw so that also combated some of the heat.
It still wasn’t hot enough to make me jump out of my seat and start gyrating my lady bits but then again I want you to love me for my awesome chicken and not my “buns.”