The door was pushed open with a gust of wind. As some leaves whooshed past the doorway, everyone in the bar turned the head to see what was coming next. They could hear a slight rustle as she walked in.

With curly hair blown over her face, it took a moment for folks to realize this woman was quite disheveled. Her glasses were a little crooked on her face and her lipstick was a bit smeared. (Kind of like she just learned to put it on for the first time and then tried to make SWAK marks on an envelope.)

Her top was inside out and one of her shoes was untied.

All the customers in the joint took one look at her and said to themselves…this lady needs a drink. She kept walking in and went straight to the bathroom. (Actually, she didn’t need a drink, she needed to go potty…..really….really badly!)

She glanced at her appearance in the mirror and gave her hair a tousle with her fingers and wiped her mouth. For what everyone thought was lipstick, it was really some leftover BBQ sauce from her lunch. (Which is why her shirt was inside out because she dropped a big glop of sauce on the front!)

Quietly she the bathroom, she realized that she really didn’t want to be there. She was not a bar gal and did not know why she agreed to meet her friends here for a drink…..especially since she didn’t drink.

Sauntering up to the bar, she plopped her purse on the counter and said “Hey Bar Creep, what cha serving?” (Apparently she didn’t know that the saying was Bar Keep….like as in the keeper of the bar and not the creeper of the bar!)

He begrudgingly handed her a cocktail list and she perused it for a second when she realized that there were no alcohol free drinks. She looked up at this man who was now scowling at her and asked for a nonalcoholic option.

His response was one that will ring in her ears for the rest of her life….”Hey look, lady. We serve hard drinks in here for folks who want to get drunk fast, and we don’t need any characters around to give the joint atmosphere. Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?” (Nope, wait, he didn’t say that….That was something Nick the bartender told Clarence the angel in It’s a Wonderful Life.)

He responded “What? Why don’t you drink?”

She said adamantly “Why DO you drink?”

He felt her judgement and immediately decided he better occupy himself before he asked her to leave his establishment.  He took the bar rag and angrily rubbed the counter and explained that this was his livelihood and there was nothing wrong with tossing one back every now and then.

This is the point where she was aware that people were watching this interchange so she better stop being so uppity and order a drink.

She apologized for offending him but explained that she didn’t understand why SHE always had to explain that she didn’t drink simply because alcohol doesn’t agree with her. (She was well aware that her behavior was less than desirable when she imbibed and is smart enough to know that she didn’t want to end up as a YouTube video one day with her skirt over her head.)

The bartender could see her discomfort and recognized that she was just waiting for her friends. (The friends who were running really late….probably because they actually did their hair, changed their clothes and fixed their makeup.)

He asked her if she ever had sangria. She got a little frustrated because she knew that was a drink made with wine. As she looked at him ready for a battle, he plopped a glass in front of her and said “Honey, this is my version called a “Sans” Gria….there is no alcohol.”

They shared a smile and then she took a sip. Mmmmm. This is good. It was fresh, vibrant and just enough bubbles to tickle her nose.

Her mood started to pick up (apparently she had low blood sugar and really just needed a boost) and her friends started to roll in. They saw her at the bar and pulled up some stools. Shocked that she wasn’t just drinking a soda, the others all ordered what she was having!

All the gals loved it and they had a great night without any worries of who would drive who home or a hangover the next morning. There were no random hook-ups with strange men and no one had to do the walk of shame the next morning.  No one got bitchy or started to cry.  It was perfect.

As the evening came to a close, the bartender kind of grew fond of the gal who wouldn’t drink. He’d kill her business but he liked that she stood her ground. He told the women that he’d love for them to come in again and it became a regular hangout for their girls night. (Well, it was their hangout until the one bimbo in the group decided to sleep with the bouncer but that is a story for a different day.)

The End.

Sans Gria
Great alcohol free option for parties.
  • 32 ounces Cran-pineapple juice
  • 1 apple, diced
  • 1 blood orange, sliced
  • 1 meyer lemon, sliced
  • 24 ounces (2 cans) ginger ale
  • Garnish can be any slice of fruit you have available
  1. In a large pitcher, add the cram-pineapple juice, apple, blood orange and meyer lemon. Give it a stir and let it sit in fridge for a good 6 hours before serving.
  2. When it is time to serve, fill glass with some ice and add equal parts of ginger ale and juice.
  3. Garnish and have a good time!