So Thanksgiving is next week…what is your favorite part? The food? The people? The memories? The anxiety? (I’m saying this for a friend…yep…let’s go with that.)

I thought a good post for this week would a few helpful thoughts to make next week’s dinner the best ever.

  1. Have NO expectations….expectations lead to disappointment. If you have a turkey, you should just be grateful. You will live if it is dry, overcooked and cut up like it went through a wood chipper. (I swear…these aren’t my experiences it is my friend…um…Sally…yep…she is the one who told me to say this stuff.)
  2. Don’t talk politics…that is going to go nowhere fast unless you KNOW everyone believes in the same thing….avoid it like the plague. This is a good time to feign diarrhea and sit in the bathroom on your phone.
  3. Speaking of phones….try to stay off of yours…unless you are instagramming pictures of the crudité shaped like a turkey.   (Okay, I do give you permission to text with your favorite family member and say things you can only say if you are the evil character on a soap opera.)
  4. It is business…not pleasure…..Think of Thanksgiving as a business meeting…you kind of have to be there, you don’t want to be there but at least you get a free meal out of it.
  5. Stay positive….positive that people won’t change. You know who gets your goat so don’t let it bother you.  (If it does…I’m also positive that one of the relatives has some hooch hidden in the garage or the back of their truck to help calm you down.)
  6. Sit by the folks you like the best….this gives you plenty of opportunity to grab someone’s knee or give them a gentle kick when your in-law’s Thanksgiving Blessing includes everyone’s name but yours. (Gosh, my friend, Sally, really has had some bad holidays to come up with this stuff.)
  7. Wear baggy clothing….for no other reason so you are physically the most comfortable that you can be after you eat. It also helps people not notice the apparent weight gain you’ve had from too many late nights of snacking during the Cubs Post Season. (Sally didn’t say that…that one was all me and my affection for potato chips and the Cubs.)
  8. It is better to give than receive….did you know if you give someone the finger under the table it still counts? It has been proven that if you do this, you automatically give yourself an instant stress relief without offending anyone.
  9. Stand up for what you believe in…..and walk away. It is not the day to prove a point and the exercise will release some endorphins and make you feel great!
  10. Let the tryptophan be your guide… a good nap. Even if turkey doesn’t make you sleepy, you can always fake it because it is Thanksgiving and everyone will think it is cute.